How long can you wait to have a baby? People toss all kinds of numbers around. Is 35 too late? Is 40 the absolute latest? How about 45? A recent article in the Atlantic, "How Long Can You Wait to Have a Baby?" offers some facts which may be especially helpful for childless readers who are panicking because they're afraid they're too old. Maybe not. Author Jean Twenge had all three of her children after age 35.
The article mentions two important points that aren't always included in the discussion: Are all the reproductive organs working properly, and are you having sex regularly, especially during the most fertile times? Answer those questions before deciding you're infertile or too old. If you have not tried to conceive before, it's possible there are previously undiscovered problems that might need to be solved before the baby-making commences. And some women do start menopause early. (Not me. When I was about 50, my doctor told me I could still probably get pregnant if my husband hadn't had a vasectomy.) But if everything is working, Twenge says most couples who do their homework will get pregnant naturally within a year.
Of course that doesn't solve the situation where your partner doesn't want to have children with you, but it might help you to relax a little.
What do you think about this? How does your age fit into your situation? Are you afraid you're running out of time? Are you having trouble making your partner understand this? Do you know if you have any physical problems that might make conception more difficult? And of course the ever-popular question: Do you stay in a relationship where having children is getting more unlikely by the day or leave and hope to find someone else before it's too late?
I look forward to your comments.
3 comments:
for me its not the age issue, but the "damaged goods" issue. Mentally "& emotionally so scared from the whole mess that to get pregnant now I worry that I would be a small fraction of the mother i had planned to be originally. I don't know if a baby would fix anything, like my PIA BIL suggested I should do last year.
Certainly,
I know what you mean. I was thinking today about what would have happened if I'd stayed with my first husband and had children. He might have given in, but our relationship was so tattered by then . . . But we don't know if we don't try.
I am 45 and pregnant via egg donor. What gets me is how many people feel free to ask me if it was IVF (I don't tell them about the egg donation part, I just say yes.) Isn't that kind of personal? Not to mention comments I've gotten regarding being "too old". I have had a great pregnancy and the baby is doing great, and I will raising a decent and good human being who will add to the world around him or her. So to hell with people and their stupid comments and judgments.
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